Kids often surprise us with what they’re capable of. For all the parents out there, including myself, who pride ourselves on being “attentive,” we might jump in to help before our kids even have a chance to falter. But when we do that, we’re actually taking away their learning opportunities.

Life comes with its ups and downs, and for our little ones, it feels even more so. When our kids face setbacks, it’s a great teaching moment if we approach it with a positive mindset. If we, as parents, are overly concerned about our kids getting hurt or feeling down, or if we’re worried about saving ourselves from trouble and thus prevent our children from trying, we’re not giving them a chance to develop resilience.

Think about it: during the stage when our kids should be learning to feed themselves, if we opt to spoon-feed them just so they eat faster, sure, it might be cleaner and quicker, but our kids might start feeling like they can’t do things on their own. As they grow, they could become more hesitant, less willing to try new things, and might even say, “I can’t do it; can you help me?” That’s why it’s recommended for us parents to keep an open mind and let our kids explore and experience setbacks in a safe environment.

Let them try, without assuming they’ll fail

As parents, we often underestimate our kids’ abilities. We’ve all seen it – the “attentive” parent who wants to control every detail and jumps in at the first sign of potential failure. But how will our kids learn to face challenges if we’re always there to cushion their falls? By overly shielding them from real-world challenges, we’re essentially depriving them of natural explorative opportunities. Moreover, this might make our kids feel like any mistakes are our fault, not theirs. We need to manage our own anxieties and avoid over-controlling our kids’ actions.

When our children first start to walk, of course, we’re worried about their safety. But our anxieties shouldn’t limit their growth. If they fall, we’re there to catch them. And when they stand up again, we should be there to smile and proudly say, “See! I knew you could do it.”

Don’t intentionally create setbacks

Now, this might seem a bit contradictory, but even though facing setbacks can be beneficial for our kids, we don’t need to intentionally create challenges for them. The world will naturally present them with various hurdles. Excessive negative experiences don’t benefit their growth. Actually, doing so could make our kids feel undervalued, denting their self-confidence.

Our role is to encourage them to explore and persevere in areas they’re passionate and skilled in. This way, they’ll gradually overcome obstacles and build resilience.

Finding the Balance: Navigating Parental Support and Child Independence

Honestly, if we see our kids on the brink of a painful failure, it’s natural to wonder whether to step in or let them learn the hard way. It’s a tough call. Studies in child psychology show that when kids sense their parents are indifferent to their struggles, like not understanding a book in English, they feel like failures and feel that we don’t care about their big setbacks. But on the flip side, if we always step in, are we denying them those valuable learning experiences?

It’s about balance. For example, if our child is struggling with homework, we shouldn’t do it for them. That just encourages them to pass their problems onto others. But we can help clarify their thoughts, guiding them step by step, teaching them how to plan and tackle their tasks.

Share your own experiences with setbacks

When we share our setbacks, our kids learn that no one’s perfect. Everyone faces challenges. They’ll see setbacks aren’t the end of the world, but rather a chance to learn and grow. When we handle our setbacks with positivity and share our stories of bouncing back, it plants a seed in their minds, making it an invaluable lesson.

Use picture books to teach about failures

Many picture books feature protagonists facing setbacks and overcoming them with persistence. These stories normalize the concept of failure. No one wins all the time, and a setback isn’t the end of the world. Reading these books is a great way to cultivate a healthy attitude towards failure in our kids.

Use games to foster resilience

Through light-hearted games, our kids can experience both failures and victories. They’ll learn how to approach setbacks with a solution-driven mindset, building both their resilience and patience. Because games inherently have winners and losers, they get used to it. Board games, checkers, Monopoly – all of these can teach our kids to handle setbacks, making gaming a constructive activity.

Takeways

Facing setbacks is an essential part of our kids’ growth journey. As parents, we should have an open heart, letting them experience life’s highs and lows, rather than always swooping in to save the day. Engaging them in games helps them naturally experience both victories and defeats, all while having fun. Ultimately, standing by our kids, providing the right kind of support, and fostering an environment filled with love and encouragement, guiding them through life’s challenges, is what we all aspire to do.